"every love story has a beginning"

"Once upon a time there was a little girl who wandered 

from one strange land to the next.

She never hoped for family and children

like all the other girls,

only to love and be loved in return.

Just to know what it feels like.

But because she loved wandering

she could never find a reason to stop.

Therefore she never fell in love.

And no one fell in love with her. 

Then she met a boy and paused. 

They quickly fell in love. 

Then he got scared.

He tossed her out.

Like smelly garbage"

The End 

Have you ever had that friend who is always going out on dates, gushing about some silly boy that she met while out eating lunch, maybe at Borders, or at the dog park, or out having drinks, or while his horrible date was in the bathroom? That friend who tells you horror stories of dates that made them pay for the entire meal, dates that physically abused them on their first night out, dates that showed up drunk, or stoned, or just whopped it out in public? I'm not proud to say this, but I am that friend. Of course this was more so in my early twenties when I was more foolhardy, naive, and willing to give even the worst a go. My dating style has changed more towards tamed, and much less eclectic; I have learned to say no, I have learned to probe more gracefully, and I have learned when to walk away.

How did I end up here again? When I was in my wholly blissful two year relationship with my Mr-Right-Now, I was happy to have escaped from the dating scene. I never missed that initial meeting; the awkward art of the two person dance in which which one agrees to converse with a complete stranger (who by all means could be a complete psychopath killer, an STD ridden womaniser, or one's long lost relative), the should-I-give-out-my-number-right-away game or the should-I-take-his-number-and-decide-later, and finally the task of saying "no thanks" in a nice way, because after talking to them for fifteen minutes you know that they're effin' crazy!

I especially didn't miss the exhausting process of reaching familiarity with a complete stranger. Trying to complete the profile of a person with the seemingly petty details of their life in the first few awkward conversations can be tough; "I'm going to my little sister's baseball game this weekend" (Good family guy), "I love being outdoors and playing tennis" (What is he going to think when I tell him I avoid the sun like a vampire because I'm scared of skin cancer? "I'm a vegan" (Mmm foie gras, veal, lamb chops, raw horse sashimi!), "I've never left the States" (Boring and unadventurous; possible clinger), "Your Japanese?! Actually, all of my ex-girlfriends were Japanese. It's not preference, just coincidence" (yellow-fevered, run away!), "I accidentally killed this dog when I was a kid. It has traumatised me" (Serial killer. HOT).


I think I've gotten a bit rusty at picking up the subtle cues from men. It has become harder for me to define what a date is; nowadays at least half of the dates I go on are dates I get tricked into. This one time, a guy friend of mine asked me if I wanted to go to the batting cages in an hour. Being the tomboy that I am, of course I said yes. He came to pick me up in a car that wasn't his, and it was much nicer. Even weirder, he got out of the car, walked around to the passenger's side, and opened the door for me. Shake it off, I thought to myself. "Are you hungry?", he asks. I tell him I could eat. He starts to drive, and I am thinking we are going for some quick fast food before all the batting; McDonalds, Taco Bell, In-N-Out, Wendy's. And somehow before I know it, we're sitting at some fancy Italian joint in a private back room with tablecloths, drip candles, and bottle of wine. And mind you, this is a guy friend I've known for at least two years. I wonder what was next, "Tomo, can you come over at 12AM and help me make my bed?"




That is not to say I am jaded. Once in a while you get that one moment that comes along, a moment so pleasant and surreal it makes a girl think hey, this isn't so bad. It always comes unexpected, when you're least expecting it. They smile at you, you smile at them,  and the conversation flows naturally, and it feels just right. You're a little nervous,  but mostly happy that this one good moment will make you forget all the bad ones, at least for now. And even if these moments don't carry into anything substantial, these are the moments I wait for, and these are the moments which get me through the terrible dates, the bad romances, and the disappointing relationships. These moments are just small fragments of the things that make life so fun and amazing. All I need to do is keep my heart open, and keep on laughing.